My Answer to My Lack Of Confidence (SharedAnswers07)
Earlier this week I posted about the lack of confidence that I had early in my career. That post was my first “for fun” entry into the Shared Answers Group Writing Project that Yvonne and I are co-hosting. (The group writing project closes on August 15th, so it’s not too late to join.)
I’d say that four factors contributed to my lack confidence. Once those factors were eliminated my fear of trying new things was also gone. Here are the four factors that held me back:
- Fear of making a mistake. The reason that I “needed” so many advisors to help me make decisions was because I was afraid of making a mistake. Over time, I came to realize that mistakes are not things to be avoided, but things to be learned from. Once I adopted the attitude of “what can I learn from this,” my mistakes became key steps on the way to my successes.
- Thinking I was in complete control. None of us is in complete control of our circumstances. There’s always the unforeseen. Only God has complete control of our destinies. Once I realized that there was only so much that I could do in any given situation I was able to relax knowing that I had done everything that I could do and that God would handle the rest.
- Not allowing for second chances. I’d grown up hearing sayings like “this is a once in a lifetime opportunity” and “this is your one and only chance” so often that I started to believe them. The truth is, there is nearly always a second chance. The second chance might not be identical to the first chance, but if you are alert you will realize that it is there for the taking.
- Taking myself too seriously. Okay, I was young and naive so maybe that was my excuse. I really was overanalyzing every little thing–even things that weren’t really important. Details that no one else carried about became stressors for me. Once I stopped taking myself so seriously I found that I had more confidence to try new things.
It’s my hope that we will all learn from this group writing project. I hope that you enjoyed this entry and learned something useful.
Contents (c) Copyright 2007, Laura Spencer. All rights reserved.
About the Author: I am a successful freelance writer with 20 years of copy writing experience. I am available for consulting, business writing, copy writing, editing, technical writing, and web content writing. In addition, I have written an ebook, 
Laura | Aug 4, 2007 | Reply
You’re so right there on #4. Taking ourselves too seriously is so troublesome. I’m guilty of overanalyzing, then being afraid to do something because I’m afraid to mess up. I’m hoping with experience that I’ll get over that.
And the Shared Answers Group Writing Project sounds interesting - I think I’ll check it out.
alicia | Aug 4, 2007 | Reply
We share(d) the same fears. Mine still show up every now and then.
Laura | Aug 4, 2007 | Reply
Hi Laura and Alicia!
Number 4 is definitely a trap. Learning to laugh at myself was such a tremendous release.
I think this problem that I’ve shared is probably more common than people realize. I hope that, by sharing it, I can help someone else get over it.
Yvonne Russell | Aug 4, 2007 | Reply
Laura - I enjoyed reading your entry! Having the confidence to try new things always involves a level of “risk” so this is great advice. I love your take on recognizing and seizing opportunities as “second chances”.
Lillie Ammann | Aug 4, 2007 | Reply
Great analysis of a common problem, Laura, and a good example that understanding the problem puts you well on the road to solving it.
Jeanne Dininni | Aug 5, 2007 | Reply
Wow, Laura, a couple of these sound just like me! There are so many great lessons we can take away from your experiences as they are so insightfully related in this post. Thanks for sharing them!
Jeanne
Vivienne Quek | Aug 6, 2007 | Reply
A therapist once gave me a very good advice as she noticed that I can be very hard on myself. She said “You must start to love yourself. When you do that, you’ll be more forgiving to yourself” By loving and forgiving myself, it’s easier not to commit the 4 factors you have mentioned.
Lori | Aug 6, 2007 | Reply
Amen to it all, Laura. I can attest to feeling the same way in all instances except one - I felt utterly out of control, as though the client should steer my destiny and my career. Glad I’m over that one!
Laura | Aug 6, 2007 | Reply
Hi Yvonne, Lillie, Jeanne, Vivienne, and Lori!
Yvonne - I really do think that there’s almost always a second chance.
Lillie - Thanks for the perspective. Sharing the problem has helped me understand how common it really is.
Jeanne - I’m glad that you liked the post.
Vivienne, Loving yourself is important. For me, it wasn’t that I didn’t love myself. It was that I didn’t trust myself not to make a mistake.
Lori, I’m getting so many people say that they felt that way too, I’m starting to wonder if it’s a personality trait common to writers.